Yesterday i was in a camp day in a friend´s farm house. In the afternoon we were in a small group having a cheerful talk. A girl laughed at a comment made by another member of the group. The comment wasn´t funny, it was just a comment. When the other person asked her why she was laughing she answered that she just always laugh not regarding if something´s funny or not. Then, this other person (who knew her past history) told her in a very funny stance “yeah, yeah, your daddy´s dead, laugh at this”. I don´t know if she didn´t hear him (I doubt it) or she just let it pass, because I could not notice any change in her facial expression.
This situation take us to the subject of matters. Why do people (by definition, we are all sarcastic in different degrees of intensity) sometimes or often, resort to scarcasm (sometimes attacking others) when they want to make a joke or say something whitty? Why don´t they use the “other” kind of humor?
Sarcasm works like a shield. It protects the emitter of the message from exposing themselves. It´s a veil that hides something more profound. There´s a leak from their unconscious that permeates to the surface through this resource. It´s not that they are evil. It has a component of innocent insensitivity.
This people are often socially intelligent. But then, how come the miss the effect they are producing in the “victim” of the joke? Lack of empathy? I personally doubt it. They don´t consider themselves hurtful, it´s just “their way of making humor” i have heard lots of people say, and could sometimes feel offended if someone remarks that they are being offended. They are just “not understood” is a response I have heard a lot
Sarcasm is a way to express aggression and insecurity. It puts them in a superior position against the other to overcome these shortcoming. It boosts their ego.
Speaking in freudian terms, imagine the ego as a little person, and the super-ego a giant boot that is always trying to crush this little folk. Imagine the boot full of aggression, reproaches, social exigencies, etc. Usually, this boot is not that big with respect to the little ego-guy. In sarcastic people, what happens is that this boot is too big, and the little guy is not to strong to resist it´s downward force. They are overwhelmed by it, thus, sarcasm functions as an escape valve for these feelings of impotence and anger.
Now let´s imagine that the boot represents society. What would you want to do to this mean, big and powerful boot? Crush her back of course. The equation then reverses and the person they have in front of them become in some way that boot but stripped from its power…excellent chance for a vendetta.
If sarcasm has brought you (and me, why not) or brings you trouble in your daily life i found some tips in a very interesting article from Psychologytoday. Click here for the link to the entire article. It´s worth reading.
The tips:
Yes, you’re sharp. But are you cutting too deep? Here’s how to ensure people don’t take what you say the wrong way.
- Know your audience.
People have as wide a range of tolerance for sarcasm as they do for liquor. “If the person at the receiving end of sarcasm knows it’s meant as a joke, the reaction may be more positive,” Joakim says. “But I try not to be sarcastic with total strangers. That’s usually not pretty.”
- Scan before you send.
It’s best to avoid snarkiness in e-mails and text messages. Sarcasm is highly dependent on tone, while people tend to take typed notes more literally. As silly as those smiley-face emoticons are, use one if there is any possibility that your message could be misinterpreted.
- Examine your motivations.
Some people resort to over-the-top sarcasm in an attempt to shore up their own self-image. Consider whether you yourself harbor feelings of inadequacy. Once you feel comfortable with who you are, you won’t need to hide behind a veil of sarcasm.
- Err on the side of caution.
If you’re unsure how the target of your statement will respond, it’s best not to unleash sarcasm at all, as Mosteller has learned. “If I’m around my husband’s boss, I hold my tongue,” she says. “I know that once I open my mouth, things are just going to keep coming.”
Tags: sarcasm, daily life, ego, social situations, aggression, insecurity
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Article by Fernando
The guy in charge of this blog - husband, Psychologist, former Manager, Blogger, Job Coach, Recruiter and Information Junkie. Yes, I am all that.
Fernando has written 237 awesome articles for us at FT Careers Blog
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